The guinea pig is not known as a smart or reliable steed, nor even a terribly fast one, although they can put on a good scrambling turn of speed when panicked (often into walls, while uttering a frantic “WHEEP! WHEEP!” as they go.) But they’re cute and good-natured and exceedingly docile, and they utter a charming purr when happy, so people insist on thinking they’re a good mount for the elderly and infirm. This has led to the regrettably common sight in many cities—first the distant piercing “WHEEP! WHEEP!” and the thin screams of the invalid tied to it, then the scrabbling gallop of the frightened saddle guinea, then at last, it comes into view, a panicky cavy charging through the streets, bowling over the populace, flailing senior in the saddle hauling uselessly on the ears (they’re steered by the ears, but not well) causing havoc, knocking over melon carts and market stalls, before at last the whoops of terror fade into the distance, another guinea hit-and-run come and gone. – Ursula Vernon

If you haven’t discovered Ursula Vernon yet, check out her webcomic Digger:

It’s completed, and a wonderful read.


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